goodnight i made you a song goodbye
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
