Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
