A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
