He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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