I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
