Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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