I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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