HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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