I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
