Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
