When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
