He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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