i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
