TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize