Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
