OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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