You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
