I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
