I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
