listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
