I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
