The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize