He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize