my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize