Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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