so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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