would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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