Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
