im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
