I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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