She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
