Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
