im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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