jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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