Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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