I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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