the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did I show you my penis last night?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
