It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize