is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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