if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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