He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
