In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
