i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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