Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
