we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
