I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Say something about gay babies.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
