There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
