Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
