why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
