Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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