We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
