He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
