Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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