feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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