That's intense
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
