He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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