well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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