Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
