piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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