I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
