Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
