i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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